Knowing your person loves you even when they aren’t available or not actively expressing their devotion is an example of emotional permanency. It is conceptually related to the concept of “object permanence,” which refers to a stage of development when we become aware that items exist even when we cannot see them. (For instance, we know a ball is still present even though it is covered by a blanket.) However, there are several reasons why someone could lack emotional stability, which jeopardizes their ability to form close bonds with others. In fact, the hashtag “emotional permanency” has received over 10 million views on TikTok because it is so relevant.
Most people seek out emotionally stable partners because they want to avoid the pain of rejection, heartbreak, and abandonment. And while there is nothing wrong with wanting these things, it is important to remember that no one is perfect. Everyone has their own baggage and issues that they are dealing with.
A lack of emotional permanence can expose you to the risk of feeling unloved for long periods of time, and it can also serve as a breeding ground for problems in romantic relationships. Communication is key in any relationship, but it is especially important when one or both partners are dealing with emotional issues.
Although it may feel like some things are fleeting, there are ways to build emotional stability. This not only benefits you but also your relationships. But before we get into those suggestions, let’s look at some common indicators of emotional instability.
Indicators That Suggest You May Have A Lack Of Emotional Permanence
1. You constantly seek validation and reassurance from others
Typically, people who lack emotional stability will look for validation and reassurance from others. They want to know that they are loved and that their relationship is secure. This need for constant reassurance can be exhausting for both them and their partner.
2. You have a fear of abandonment
People who lack emotional permanence often have a fear of abandonment. This means that they are always worried that their partner is going to leave them. This fear can lead to clinginess and insecurity in relationships.
3. You have difficulty trusting others
If you have a hard time trusting others, it may be because you don’t feel emotionally stable yourself. When we don’t trust ourselves, it’s difficult to trust others. This lack of trust can make it difficult to form close relationships.
4. You are always fluctuating between extremes
If you find yourself constantly fluctuating between emotional extremes, it may be a sign of instability. You may swing from feeling happy and content to feeling sad and depressed. This volatility can make it hard to maintain relationships.
5. You have a hard time regulating your emotions
People who lack emotional stability often have a hard time regulating their emotions. This means that they may have difficulty managing their anger, sadness, and anxiety. This can lead to outbursts and unpredictable behavior.
6. You tend to bottle up your emotions instead of dealing with them in a healthy way
The fear of being rejected or abandoned can lead people to bottle up their emotions. This may seem like a good way to cope at the moment, but it can actually make things worse in the long run. Bottling up emotions can lead to explosive behavior and further insecurity in relationships.
7. You often feel like people are out to get you or that they are judging you
Typically, people who lack emotional stability are very sensitive to how others perceive them. They may feel like people are always judging them or that they are out to get them. This can lead to paranoia and mistrust.
8. You have a hard time being alone
If you have a hard time being alone, it may be because you don’t feel emotionally secure. Being alone can be scary for someone who lacks emotional stability because it means facing their fears and insecurities head-on.
Once you’ve identified that you may lack emotional stability, there are some things you can do to work on building emotional permanence.
Tips For Building Emotional Permanence
1. Seek professional help
Therapy, whether you receive it alone or with a partner, can fundamentally alter your ability to establish stronger emotional permanence or (emotional impermanence). A therapist can help you to understand your triggers, learn how to cope with your emotions, and develop healthy relationship patterns.
2. Work on building trust
If you have difficulty trusting yourself or others, work on building trust. This can be done by being honest, keeping your word, and being reliable. Over time, you will start to feel more trusting and secure.
3. Don’t bottle up your emotions
Instead of bottling up your emotions, try to deal with them in a healthy way. This may mean talking to a friend, journaling, or going for a run. It’s important to find an outlet for your emotions so that they don’t take over your life.
4. Be mindful of your emotions
Try to be aware of your emotions and how they are affecting you. This will help you to better regulate your emotions. When you know what triggers your emotions, you can start to work on managing them in a healthy way.
5. Spend time with people who make you feel good
Spending time with people who make you feel good will help you to feel more emotionally stable. These people should make you feel safe, accepted, and loved. They should also be supportive and understanding.
6. Practice self-care
Self-care is essential for maintaining emotional stability. This may include exercise, relaxation techniques, healthy eating, and getting enough sleep. Taking care of yourself will help you to better cope with stress and manage your emotions.
7. Be patient
Making lasting changes to your emotional stability takes time. Be patient with yourself and trust that you will get there eventually.
Emotional stability is something that can be worked on over time. By seeking professional help, practicing self-care, and spending time with supportive people, you can start to build emotional permanence.